Untypical by Pete Wharmby is a book about the personal experience of autism, and ways you can help autistic people in your life*. I picked it up because my son is on the waiting list for an autism assessment (1 year in and counting), and I have suspicions about myself – my wife’s suspicions are stronger!
Wharmby worked as a teacher for some time before a diagnosis of autism after the birth of his daughter and a bout of depression, he stopped teaching as a result of the COVID pandemic and is now self-employed as an author and speaker on autism. The book is very personal, I found it compelling reading.
Untypical is divided into 8 chapters covering different aspects of autism and life. Each chapter includes some bullet points on how you can help an autistic person, which can be summarised as “show some empathy given the information in this book” but you’ll need to read the book to get the details.
The first couple of chapters are on socialising and friends. The problem with socialising is not knowing the rules of communication, which are unwritten. Many autistic people have a phobia of telephones as a device for talking to people because the number of cues as to how to respond are reduced still further. Online friendship often works very well for them though. I am the most sociable person in my household (this really isn’t saying much) and the most likely to use a telephone although, with the exception of talking to parents, it is a last resort. I remember not feeling extrovert and sociable for a very large part of my life, nowadays I find it useful in addressing anxiety but I feel like I’m simulating being sociable. For autistic people this type of simulation is called masking, and it can be exhausting to maintain. Later, talking about the transition to university, Wharmby says that he used alcohol, probably to excess, to cope with the social side of university – this too sounds familiar.
Wharmby talks about falling into university almost by accident, it was the easiest next step having obtained good A-level results. This is the subject of the next chapter, “Tying shoelaces and Other Daily Challenges” which talks about the issues autistic people can have with getting started on something (autistic inertia), executive function (working towards a goal) and PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). If you are interested in PDA then When the Naughty Step Doesn’t Work by Dr Naomi Fisher and Eliza Fricker is well worth a read. This isn’t to say autistic people can’t do goal-oriented tasks – they just need to be cast in the right way. I think here of Alfred Wainwright’s Pictorial Guide to the Lakeland Fells, completed with machine-like precision over a 10 year period. Wainwright may or may not have been autistic but nevertheless his Pictorial Guide looks exactly like the product of a “special interest”. I feel the same way about much of my career, a lot of it was down to following the easiest path boosted by my “special interest” driven abilities.
In the context of autism a “special interest” or monotropism is a strong focus on a single subject. They provide a way of regulating moods and managing stress. The autistic sensorium is very cluttered and finding a single point of focus is soothing. Wharmby talks about computer games, Minecraft, Pokémon Go, Lego and trains as examples of his “special interests”. His go-to task for immediate stress relief is to read a Wikipedia page about a steam train. As I write I am just entering my weekly gas, electric and solar panel meter readings into a spreadsheet, a dataset which stretches back to 2004. My dad kept a notebook in the glove box of his car where, usually my mum, wrote the mileage, volume of petrol bought and cost whenever they visited a garage. I was very confused when I discovered my wife’s car had no such book!
The chapter on school is close to my heart, it is the reason my son is on a waiting list for an autism assessment. For autistic children school is a nightmare, on top of the forced socialisation they are usually very overwhelming sensory environments. We found that the “need for justice” mentioned later in Untypical is also an issue, particularly around group “punishments”. Wharmby observes that much “bad behaviour” can be attributed to child reaching the point of autistic meltdown. He has some words on the nightmare of group work which will speak to many adults. This chapter is very timely since the Education Select Committee’s SEND Inquiry report is very keen on inclusion in mainstream schools as a solution to the SEND crisis – the committee have noted that the Department of Education has failed to define what this means. Wharmby notes that when he was at school in the 1990s refusal to go to school did not appear to be an option. Attendance in school dropped after the the COVID pandemic – I think it demonstrated that school was not the only place to learn for a very large number of children and their parents. In addition the restrictions of the COVID pandemic pushed some autistic people into meltdown – all the social interaction rules changed, and then changed back again as normal life resumed.
The issues with work are largely those of school, with uncontrolled environments and people all over the place. He calls out hot-desking specifically. Wharmby also mentions that autistic people can be very sensitive to criticism (hence my footnote to this post). The most stressful part of my working life has been annual assessments, this are critical by design – the company typically wants to see a distribution in “grades” and will tend to criticism rather than support. I can also say this is stressful for a manager. The same applies in redundancy processes, the company will seek to show you are not up to the job in order to smooth your exit from their point of view.
Chapter 7 talks a bit about the overlap of autism and ADHD with the resulting restless brain. This is where “stimming” comes in. Stimming is a variety of repetitive actions (every autistic person has their favourite) which provide some relief from stress – these can be disturbing to the neurotypical. This chapter also talks about the stresses of all forms of travel for autistic people usually through unpredictability and crowded and noisy environments. I was struck with his comments on struggling with mindfulness meditation as a way of providing relaxation, I too have struggled with mindfulness – finding it incredibly difficult to focus on just my breath, for example, or dispassionately observing my thoughts passing by.
The final chapter is on the autistic need for justice, mentioning Greta Thunberg’s campaigning on climate change (Thunberg is autistic), and also intersectionality – the overlap of the autistic community with the trans community in particular but also the neglected areas of being a woman and autistic and black and autistic. He highlights a couple of online resources which provide wider coverage of the autistic community – I’ve signed up to the Neuroclastic newsletter.
I have to say that overall it is a bit of a harrowing read, Wharmby has a nice writing style but the continual state of stress and anxiety he finds himself in is oppressive for the reader let alone the author!
Wharmby writes near the end of the book that he considers himself an imposter as an autistic person, something that he attributes to his late diagnosis. I must admit to feeling the same, I don’t think I’m as autistic as he is but so much in this book struck a chord with me. At the age of 55, and semi-retired, I don’t see the point in seeking a diagnosis, for my son I see it as useful but I must admit to some qualms about medicalising him for the sake of fairly limited support. I also worry that owning up to autism will not help secure a job.
The rising diagnosis of autism is a hot topic currently, to me it seems that there have always been a lot of autistic people but we never recognised it as a distinct thing, even in white men and boys, let alone women and girls or any other ethnicity. If we look back the signs were there: my dad’s petrol consumption recording, the male Hopkinson’s all stimming as they organised themselves for a family photo, the trainspotters, a whole load of scientists who recorded detailed data on all many of things…
Untypical is definitely worth reading: it either describes you, someone you know or someone you will interact with and more knowledge can only be a good thing. It’s important because life expectancy for autistic people is much lower than for others, and with some adaption their/our lives could be so much better.
*For the benefit of Pete – this is not a critical review, my reviews are descriptive much to the chagrin of professional historians!





